Family Update

So, I'm not so good a blogging anymore. In fact, the last activity I have on here is a draft from a year ago. Glad it wasn't posted, as it was a committment to write more. Whoops. 

Now that it's out there that I'm not doing well, let's throw perfection out the window and aim for the occasional update. 

Here is a quick family review:

Jason of all trades is always busy learning a new skill or exploring a new hobby. Lately he has been becoming quite the wood artist and learning how to make bowls and utensils on a wood lathe. He checked out the Wood Turners club here and enjoyed being surrounded by men with great talent and a willingness to share their skills and equipment. He was entertained by being the youngest person in attendance by at least 20 years.  Jason made a huge change in our house by making and installing a beautiful hardwood floor in our kitchen and dining room. We were NOT sad to see the outdated linoleum go. It’s quarter sawn oak which we stained dark walnut. It looks fantastic with the crown molding and shelves he built for me. We are still working on that space but I’m blown away with all the updates Jason has done. He’s now working on a kitchen table. It’s too nice to eat on.

Jason’s other recent interest is trapping. I seriously married a mountain man (who really loves sports). Speaking of mountain men, have you seen his beard?? First he said it was for no shave November. Then he said he needs to grow it to protect his face for snowmobiling season. We’ll see. I’m pro beard but we might need to draw the line somewhere. Like above the collarbone.

Mason’s favorite part of school is riding the bus. And chasing the bus. Apparently that’s the new cool thing for second graders. DON’T wait nicely at the bus stop but instead wait far away at the end of the street and then dash like mad to try to get to the stop before you get left. The other day he told me his shoe came off in the shoe and he almost missed the bus! Mason will soon be done with speech therapy. He said he’ll miss it but I think he means he will miss the treats. He is doing much better in math. Spanish is coming slowly but we encourage him to speak Spanish when he can, so I suppose I can’t be upset when he calls us funny insults in Español. Mason was asked to speak in primary at church about Christ-like love. He was having a hard time knowing what to say. I told him to try thinking of someone he knows that follows Jesus’ example. He picked his uncle Joe and gave such a tender talk about helping others. We love that Mason is such a reader. I adore finding him with his nose in a book or when he reads to his brothers. Mason’s typical attire is soft athletic pants, a t-shirt, a hoodie, and inside out socks and shoes two sizes too big. He is very sensitive to how thing feel and how people feel. It can be trying but we are proud and how he’s found ways to adapt and overcome. I’m especially happy that he is recently into hugs.  Moms always need hugs. Mason still misses his best friend Jaxon and talks about him often. Mason is enjoys writing and illustrating short books. They always entertain. The latest is titled “Happy Death Day”. It’s funny, I swear…

Eli, who we call the Sunshine Boy, has shown us there are many emotions that are just as strong and blinding. He feels things strongly and sometimes they are not so sunny. We are still trying to get red permanent marker off the furniture, clothing, bedding, books and CD player in the boys' room if anyone has any suggestions. He is strong willed and funny. He is always cracking us up with his goofy dancing, exuberant retellings, and crazy antics. Eli is part of an online preschool, which he loved, and now hates.  We had his speech assessed recently. His missing sounds are pretty age appropriate and if he slows down a bit it really helps us comprehend what he’s so excited about. He is always eager to join one of his brothers in some game or project. We love when he sits at the piano and fiddles around. He makes such beautiful music. He is a total champ at brushing his teeth. Eli is very excited his birthday is coming up soon. Lately he doesn’t play with friends but then again he has his brothers….

Sam the Sweet seems to be arrested in time. My wish for a two year old forever seems to have come true. I’m sure a big growth spurt is around the corner but he still fits into many 24mo/2T clothes. I’ve kept him young, and need to help him become more independent. Apparently I forgot to tell him “No” for the first three years of his life. Now at 3.25 years old he has to come to terms that he’s not really the boss.  He is the champion of “The Flop” which is just what it sounds like. When he is unhappy he will flop in the doorway, in the hall at church, at the entrance to a store, off a couch, or in the middle of the street. And he won’t budge until we physically pick him up. It has lead to some rather awkward and dangerous moments. Man, he is powerful. He is also very sweet. I love hearing his stories (although our latest endeavor is to encourage him to fully pronounce each word with beginning and ending sounds). Sam will play for hours with two of anything. I mean ANYTHING. Two cars, two rocks, two puzzle pieces, or even a chunk of cheese. He slips into his imaginary world. We marvel at how he can play for so long, quietly talking to his invisible friends. His chuckle is so sweet and happy. I think it is one of the best sounds in the whole world…

I started another job in addition to SkyWest Airlines. I am the Guest Services Coordinator for the Utah Shakespeare Festival. Once again, I have found a job I absolutely love. I am surrounded by brilliant and passionate people. My position is to help groups plan their visit. Tickets and tourism. Just my thing. We have been so lucky to find some great places for the kids to be while I work part time. I am amused on the days where I work both jobs. I quickly change from my airport uniform, where I basically look like a mechanic, into nicer dress clothes and shoes. I laugh at myself as I catch myself walking differently depending on the clothes.  We aren’t left with much leisure time but my list of places to go and things to discover gets longer every day. This summer I went to Istanbul to travel with Lindsey. That trip will hold me over for a while.

In other family news we have a sweet and fun girl staying with us. She is a student at SUU and we’ve been so lucky to have her. She is a great fit for our family and I feel like we are better humans because she is here.

Our prayers now include two specific missionaries as Jason’s little sister and my nephew are out in the field. This has been a year of babies for the Starr family. The boys love all their cousins. Jason’s parents stay busy with work and family. My parents apparently don’t know how to retire and are busier than ever with temple callings, church positions, and running the NAMI support group in our area.

We feel blessed to have goodly parents, healthy children, a roof over our heads, jobs that provide, and a religion that gives us purpose and support. It is always a good practice to sit down and summarize our lives. I’m astonished by the good life we have.  It’s not always easy or predictable, but even in the hard times we feel God’s love.

Month of pictures

Oh the frustrations. I've been looking forward to sitting down and doing a really good post about what we've been up to. I've even been keeping notes and reminders of things I wanted to make sure I included. I finally have a bit of time and some quiet (I'll be peace) and of course...I can't find my notes. Double frustrating because I've been working really really hard on keeping organized. Dang. So instead of anything logical or progressive, I give you: my month in pictures.

Here's one of Mason's latest creations. He really enjoys getting on the computer and is really proficient for a five year old. We didn't show him how to use the paint program but he's figured it out.

Oh how the boys love their cousins. One of Sam's favorite words is "Avery". Ask Eli what he wants to do for fun and he'll say "oh, play with Eli and Casey and Clain". Mason looks overjoyed to be learning about catapults with Casey at the library. 

Just as overjoyed as I am that Eli has mastered the Foot Flush. It's easier here at the tiny library bathroom, but he uses this technique everywhere we go. Home included.

Sam is clingier (yes, it's a word) than ever. After having 8 teeth his whole life it looks like he's getting a couple more so maybe that is why. I've been trying to spend more quality time with my treadmill.
Sam doesn't want to cooperate. I finally gave him front row seat and a stack of books and he doesn't fuss as much.

The kids are constantly playing with my phone. Here's is Eli's perspective:

Picture tree!

 Picture tree with suspicious face:

 We've had an awfully mild winter. Here we are, January, short sleeves, hanging out at the park. I say "boys smile" they respond with:

 At least Mason will cooperate:

 Sam love love loves his blanket. A lot. It looks like we need to start leaving it in the crib...

 One day Mason got home from school and pulled this notepad out. He tracked how many kids got on at each stop. We are the first stop and only four got on. And then seven. And look how many at Jaxon's stop! I think the bottom numbers were how many Kindergarteners got off the bus per stop.

 We gave Eli his very own Book of Mormon to take to primary now that he's a big kid. He loves his scriptures. We've been walking the (very very) long way to church to get all the extra energy out. Eli thought he'd just read along the way. His favorite part is the picture of Samuel the Lamanite.

 Speaking of scriptures, here's Joe teaching Mason how to read from them. Mason wouldn't have been that patient with his parents but he stuck with it a long time as Joe worked with him. Mason is learning new words each day and we've been reading the Junie B. Jones books which are delightful even if she says bad words like stupid and dumb.

 Sometimes our house gets hectic. Especially between the hours of 7am and 8pm. Sam is a smart little boy and knows how to find some peace and quiet. In the closet. With a bowl of pretzels.

 And then there was that one magical afternoon when I was reading and Sam was cuddling and he fell asleep. This never happens. So I had to take a picture to prove it. Then I ditched the book and basked in the cuddle love.

 Mason goes to Kindergarten. "and you are home schooled" he tells Eli. We love to do our projects and Eli tolerates lessons most days. Sam is always a good sport especially when it involves paintbrushes.

 Mason is getting really responsible and does more chores lately. He enjoys doing dishes if I will get out of his way and let him do it. He is always helpful with his brothers. Last week he woke up early every morning and got all ready for school on his own. With a twinkle in his eye because he is tricking me and doesn't need my help. Sneaky boy.

 The boys all like to help me cook and bake. Call it "making potions" and they love to get in on the action. The hard part is making sure they don't contribute any extra ingredients. We had a salt incident.... :)

 Sam mimics Eli who mimics Mason. Monkey see, monkey do, NO MORE MONKEYS JUMPING ON THE BED!

 We've been struggling with our chickens. They had a really rough molt and then didn't resume laying despite hot breakfasts, sprouted wheat, spa treatments, and timer lights. Then after Christmas I found a huge pile of eggs from Free Bird. With in a week they were all getting back into action. Que the skunk attack, some PTSD, some trapping, a neighbor getting sprayed from one of our new "pets", some visits from Animal Control, and we are now- officially- back on track and enjoying our fresh eggs.

 Sam thinks he's a marsupial. I just learned tonight from Mason's reading books that the Tasmanian Wolf was not a wolf or a dog but a marsupial. And now it's extinct. Good story.

Final two with the boys being the fun brothers that they are.

Here's to fresh starts:

Oh, happy happy New Year. I can fully admit that I’m typically more jaded and cynical about this time of year, but fortunately the fresh start of January perfectly coincided with my own attitudes and ambitions. So far, I’m going to label this year a winner. 

I’ve been so torn about how to write. I have experienced things in the past few years that really changed my mind about blogging. I realized some things can’t be posted. And some things, though they do affect me, aren’t my story to tell. I do want a better record of our delightful lives but I’ve yet to discover the perfect format or the discipline to make it happen. I’m still experimenting with journaling for some of those intimate experiences. I’ve learned I love the look and texture of filled pages. Also learned: I hate my handwriting and I am so frustrated that the pen in my hand can’t keep up with my train of thoughts.  I think slower writing could somehow be a good method for processing feelings and something something….yeah; I can’t even finish that thought. It’s time for my fast typing fingers to move on. 

Going through it, I’d say the holiday break was a little rough. A change in routine, combined with holiday treats and threats of a jolly red intruder seemed to wreak havoc on the boys’ emotional stability. Now that we are at the close of the break, I am sad to see it end. We have had some of the most enjoyable family moments in the past few weeks. 

I hope I always remember the movie nights, the ice skating disaster, the delicious fish fry’s, playing “wing wound da whoasies”, and Mason’s endless questions about Egypt. It took about a week but the boys found a new way to relate and interact with each other. In fact, their closeness is surprising. Yesterday I grabbed Mason for a quick library run. I peaked in the backseat to see him curled towards the door…and sobbing. When he finally found his voice he said “I wanted Eli to come.” That comment almost shocked me off the road. Sure they fight and tease and man do I wish I could just get them to respect personal space, but today Mason and Eli walked to primary hand in hand and I had one of those moments that make the rest of it worth it. 

Speaking of church, here’s Eli on his first day of Sunbeams.

I guess today was full of “those moments”. My friends blessed their baby boy in sacrament meeting. I couldn’t keep my damp eyes off that tiny child. I think perhaps it was the contrast between the little infant and my baby, my big buddy Sam, that made me so emotional. Sam isn’t a baby anymore. He’s 17 months old. I remember with the other boys anxiously waiting for them to reach the 18 month milestone so they could go to the nursery during church. But with Sam… I’ve decided that is too young.  I want to keep him with me. Like, forever. 

Sam the Sweet, we call him. Or Jason calls him Barnacle Boy. He loves his dad, his blankey (also named “dada”), and every now and then he will say my name, the little tease. This week he learned the word NO. At first he said it long and questioning like most of his words. Oooooopen? Mmmmmmmore? Nnnnnnnnno? But tonight I asked him if he wanted to go night night and without looking up he quietly whispered it. no.

 I think we could rename him Sam the Subtle, especially compared the ages and stages of his loud and crazy brothers. You have to work a bit harder to get him out of this shell, but when you do he’ll melt your heart and make you laugh your head off. Sam the Shy. That’ll be the one for this week. When people say hi or remark on his darling smile he gets majorly grumpy. It’s almost a pained expression and it’s hilarious. As if to say “Why why would you think it’s okay to make eye contact with me right now???”

Tonight we measured each child’s height on the pantry door. Another of “those moments”. Then we read “Tigers in the Cellar”, had family prayer, enjoyed a comical session of Ring around the Roses (me, trying to teach the boys that the correct words are “Ashley Ashley we all fall down), and then the usual bedtime routine. 

I’m truly sorry the holiday break has come to a close. 

It’s been so good for me and Jase. Of course we are always shocked to realize the school break doesn’t mean anything for us grownups and our real life demands. Still had jobs to go to. Still had dishes waiting. Still had to parent from time to time. Jason did have a few days off which were quickly filled with snowmobiling, ice fishing, and a visit to Richfield. I enjoyed the feeling of a break though. I especially enjoyed sneaking peaks at him lounging in the living room reading. Jason never lounges and Jason never reads. Sure I had to literally put the book in his hands and command him to read, but he got hooked, like I knew he would.

 I think my favorite holiday memory will be Christmas day. The kids were off destroying the house and my husband and I worked together to turn bags of oranges in to quarts of exquisitely fresh orange juice. It’s always the simple things that make me realize how happy I am. 

I guess that’s what life is about. Trying to balance it all and remember why you are doing it. Half the time I’m mighty stumped about what I should be doing.  And my kids befuddle me constantly. Mason can’t stand the feel of socks but wants to know the difference between petrified and mummified and Eli asks me if I’m so happy or so sad and then tells me I’m so beautiful and Sam cries over breakfast and laughs over hiccups and won’t say my name. But if God really wants us to be happy I’m pretty sure this is it.

lower your expectations...and then lower them again

I heard this piece of advice about expectations recently. It was in a list of advice to mothers and how to deal with the demands of life. When I first heard it, I hated it. I balked and said well that's a great attitude. How about aiming high, doing your best, never give up? Then it got stuck in my head and I mulled it over a bit.

Maybe it's good advice after all.

 I've been on campus a lot lately and suddenly I'm realizing my age. I'm interacting with students who are ten years younger than me. I don't know how that is possible. Some sort of magic math since I'm pretty sure I was sophomore just two or three years ago. What? I have a five year old??? So I guess it's been at least five years, but 10?

I see these students with their simple lives and I think of when I was that age. I never would have thought that I would EVER allow my car to be this cluttered. I never would have imagined I would constantly be losing my keys in my bag because it's so full of wipes and cars and cheerios. I never would have considered skipping washing my hair that many days in a row because I simply don't have enough time.

I was in a meeting yesterday and I took Eli, who is almost three and absolutely darling and amazingly mischievous. He did really well considering the length and subject of the meeting (and quietly chanted "s...u...u.." while he drew). At one point he was acting...two...and caused some noise and commotion. The girl next to me smiled in amusement. I wanted to lean in and say "Cute, huh? You do realize I am you in five years, right?"

When I was her, I thought if I ever had kids they would be everlastingly clean and perfectly polite with extensive vocabularies and an affinity for adult conversation. Truth is they are usually grubby, under dressed, demanding as they appropriately should be, despise anything calm and orderly, and their favorite word is bum. Bum bum bum.

Here's the caveat. We are really happy. I adore my children just they way they are. I lowered adjusted my expectations. I think it's better to play tag than vacuum the car. I even think it's better to take the poor middle child to a boring meeting on campus than walk out of the house and hear him cry "please don't leave Eli".

I would be drastically less tired and stressed if the house stayed in order. But I've changed my expectations again. I love having neighborhood kids and cousins come play. I love craft projects and science experiments. You can't have it all.

I'm really really tired. But that's not new. I've never been skilled at sleeping and lately fall asleep quick and wake up within the hour. Talk about obnoxious.

But what really makes me tired is the brain energy that is required to do these things:

• Have a family
• Keep my marriage strong
• Run a household
• Pay bills
• Feed everyone
• And then they need to eat again
• Take care of the yard
• and the garden
• and the chickens
• Work part time
• Be in a religion
• LIVE my religion
• Do visiting teaching
• Be a Cubmaster. Plan pack meetings, go to training, holding trainings for leaders. Argue about the budget.
• Volunteer for Bountiful Baskets over most of Southern Utah
• Be involved with SUU Outdoor Recreation
• Keep all of Mason's kindergarten stuff straight. Get library books back, send crackers, show and tell, reading books go back on Monday, homework during the week. And he hates how socks feel. Everyday.
•  Any personal improvement. 

So for those reasons and many more, I realize that expectations have to change again. Some things have to go. Obviously from my lack of posts here, it looks like I gave up writing. I do want to write though so my new plan is to forgo the individual kid blogs and just do my best here. Dad was explaining to me about frustrated perfectionism: If you can't do it just the way you want, sometimes it means inability to do it at all. Guilty! But I have to adjust again and realize that if I don't write when I can, I will just end up with gaps and more frustration. So I will try again. I was just reading in last month's Ensign magazine about keeping a record, a book of remembrance, and it inspired me to do better.

We'll see how long it lasts.

Good day

Today was ordinary. It felt routine. Felt like life. And as I get ready for bed tonight in realizing I don't ever want to forget this day.

The day started too early for us as parents. Jason rolls out of bed hoping the clock is wrong. I get out of bed for what feels like the dozenth time to tend to one if the boys. It was a chilly morning and I let the big boys crawl into my bed and wedge their chilly feet under me. After a few precious minutes of dozing they choose breakfast over cartoons and we're up.

Throughout the day the kids rotate through my attention. Sometimes their needs feel choreographed and I accomplish one after another successfully. Other times it doesn't go as well. Like when Sam needs me and Mason wants an early lunch and suddenly Eli is announcing he wants to use the potty.

Jason called from work at 1:14. That is not a normal break time. I was worried he'd chopped his arm off. Dramatic I know but that was my reaction. It was a power outage and he was getting off early. Much much better news than dismemberment.

I unsuccessfully ran a few errands (once again: power outage= closed stores) while Mason still at school and the other boys were napping. Then I took Mace and Eli to get real haircuts. I knew it needed to be done as equally as I knew I'd regret it.

We grabbed dinner from the beloved pizza cart. Jason built a cozy fire and we spent the evening not doing anything specific other than spending time with our children.

The new normal is Mason goes to bed quickly and easily. Eli procrastinates and we let him charm us out of disciplining him. Sam is still unpredictable; he went to sleep well but will likely be up shortly.

Good day. Good night!

Preparing for winter

Tough, helpful, happy kids

Brothers

Mason, Eli, and Sam make me so happy. A boy is great, but a brother is something special.

I love that the boys love each other. Sure they also make each other mad and make each other cry... But they also make each other happy and make each other laugh.

I went down to check on the big boys last night. We have been trying out having Eli in a toddler bed Mason's room. They both seem to do better when the share a room. When I went in the room last night, Eli's bed was empty... But I found him curled up in bed with Mason.

Sam has the nursery to himself now so through the night I put him on there instead of the cradle in my room. I slept so much better. Looks likely we'll make it through another day.

Life is good.

Our boys

Smartie

I got a new phone. I'm most excited just to have a phone that holds a charge more than three hours.

There are other perks if course. Like when I'm up with Sam all night I have entertainment to keep me awake. And when he has a hard time calming down I just bust out a white noise app and we both zonk out to the calming sound of ocean waves.

And hopefully I'll keep up on blogging a bit better. I'm too busy lately to take many pictures but the new phone should help.

Here's my sweet babe:

Ah, technology.

How does it feel?

I've been asked this question a lot this past week. How does it feel to have the baby here? How does it feel to have three? How does it feel to not be pregnant? How does it feel?

I am a girl with big feelings and I don't have the words to do those feelings justice. Some words, inadequate words, that come to mind are happy, relieved, tired.

It feels right. Sam was meant to be in this family at this time. He is the right child for us. Jason and I are the right parents for him. I am so happy he's here.

sleep

I was just updating (yes, I do that every six months or so) the boys' blogs, each with a little story about sleep that I didn't want to forget.

Ah, sleep. I've never been good at it. As a mom I just accept it's part of my job to go without it. Even when the kids aren't actually waking me up, I spend those nights staying up thinking about them.

Lately, between a million bathroom breaks a night, checking on the kids, and having absolute freak out style anxiety about sleeping through a real contraction and not making it to the hospital in time,  I sleep mostly between four and seven. This means Jason is on his own for breakfast and leaves for work while I'm finally resting. This also means there are a lot of mornings when the kids sleep late that I do too. I am aware I should be up and could be getting a lot done in those precious minutes, but nothing seems more important than sleep. I also love the mornings because after laying down for that length of time I have very little pain anywhere and it's a nice break.

Here's the great parts of not sleeping (here's me trying to put a positive spin on something I desperately wish I didn't go without):
I get to enjoy being close to my husband for hours more than most wives.
I get to enjoy seeing my kids sleeping, which is one of the most beautiful things to witness.
I get to spend cute and somewhat strange time with the kids when they wake up in the night.
I get to enjoy peace and quiet in my house. Those things are absent during the day.
I get to read. I get to ponder.
I get crazy. Okay, not a positive but entertaining. Sometimes I wake up in the morning and have no idea what reality is because my groggy brain invented some really bizarre stuff during the night. 

I'm not really going anywhere with this post, so I think I will go to sleep (this means turn off all devices, cuddle up to J, and feel Tango squirm around for a while until he too falls asleep, then I just think for a while). I don't have many nights like this left and soon I'll be lamenting the fact that I ever stayed up on purpose.

because I actually laughed out loud

today

Today I woke up feeling sad. Really really sad. For no reason sad. Although my night hadn't been restful and full of vivid dreams that I now can't remember, this morning I couldn't think of why any of them would make me feel so low. I tried going back to sleep and when I got up I slid over and got out of Jason's side (the actual "wrong side of the bed"). Still sad.

After breakfast I told the boys that we were skipping chores. All they had to do was brush their teeth and we'd go to the park. Mason was overly grateful and profuse in his praise of my kindness. Eli just kept shouting "side side side" (meaning outside). Mace picked Park Discovery and I'm glad we headed over early since it was hot and getting hotter.

Here are the boys all flushed and sweaty:

My favorite parts of the morning:
When Mason was playing in the rocket ship and kept yelling "Three Two One Fire". I would correct him and say "Blast off" but he thought I was in my own rocket ship and we were just playing.

When Eli decided to play the Hug Game which is where he alternately hugs me and then Mason repeatedly. He gives the best toddler hugs in the world.

Next we went to Mom's to visit her, Amy and Jeff. We feasted on Mom's homemade wheat bread and strawberry jam. Ames watched the boys while I ran out for a bit and then I came back and fell asleep on Mom's couch while Eli finished his very long nap.

By the time we got home it was late afternoon. Janett and Brady brought Brylie over so they could head to the temple. I love watching her because she's darling and it's good practice. Mason was sweet with her and Eli was either jealous or oblivious of her presence at any given moment. Jason fell asleep with her in they recliner.

While at the park I realized how long it's been that I've been feeling sort of crummy and run down. It's been about six weeks. I know my immune system is lame, but that's a long time. I was able to get in to see a doctor who informed me that I have strep. Which likely means Jason, who has the same symptoms, has it too. Though we haven't been down and out, sick in bed, we've both had a lingering sore throat and low energy this whole time. We started antibiotics tonight and were careful around the baby. Moral of the story, don't wait six weeks and don't kiss boys.

So now it's (past) time for bed. I'm not sad anymore, just tired. Perhaps it was the sunshine that cheered me up, or all the hugs, or the homemade bread. Or the antibiotics.

I can't imagine waking up tomorrow anything but happy. Tomorrow is one of the best days of the year. I promise to write about it (and spend some time catching up on all my other past due posts). Here's a hint: It's a night full of my favorite things. Family. Root beer floats. and FIREWORKS!

You know things are bad when...

When you think "I'm never going to make it through this month. May is going to kill me off" and then look at the calendar and it's only April 29th. For the record, I made it. Bring it, June.

When your little four year old wakes you up to ask you to please help him take off his bike helmet. Great...except you didn't know he was riding his bike. Or that he was even outside. Or that you had fallen asleep...

When your husband makes you repeat the promise "not to start a batch of laundry until all the other clothes are folded". You know how some people have piles of dirty clothes? I have baskets of clean clothes. And in my mind they have expiration dates. After so many hours in the basket they become unclean. I have the impulse to wash them again. I am really good at doing laundry. I'm getting really bad at putting clean clothes away. Every time I sit down to fold a kid needs me desperately or I fall asleep (see above).

parenting means you do stuff

Like my very intelligent title? Sorry, it's the best I can do on the amount of sleep I'm getting.

I just wanted to record a few little thoughts this morning on parenting.

I'm not talking about the big hard decisions we make. I'm not talking about the truly heartbreaking ordeals that many parents go through. I'm talking about being a parent every day.

Like getting up. I'm not a morning person. I'd love to get up super early and have everything done before the family arises. But instead I sleep every extra minute I can. Jason is long gone for work by the time the kids stir. When the first one starts making noise, and this is usually Eli, I drag myself out of my insanely comfortable bed and we begin.

Sometimes I feel that the days are a blur; each one starting the same way: "morning sunshine" to a toddler who is so pleased to see me that he's giggling and flopping all over his crib. And my days end the same way: "night night little Starr" as I put him in his crib and he sighs in satisfaction and smiles. It feels like I'm always doing those two things, as if each bedtime just happened 30 minutes ago and the rest of the day was on fast forward.

Sometimes I feel that the days last forever. I love the saying, "parenting is composed of long days and short years". When the kids are in bed at night I find myself sitting, on the couch/bed/floor, just sitting trying to find enough energy to go to bed. It seems like those days are about 80 hours long.

As a parent, you do stuff. Like get up when you'd rather not and keep doing the same things over and over. Maybe some people easily do this on their own once they've 'grown up' but I know that for me, the kids push me a little more than I would otherwise push myself. And it's a hard and wonderful thing.

***

(long whiny story goes here)

Last night I went to work and then the grocery store. After talking to Amy for a while I came home and put away the food. Within five minutes the house was in an uproar. Eli was crying hard and I couldn't figure out know why. He woke up Jason, who is sick and was sent back to bed. Then Eli woke up Mason who started crying really really hard. I tried holding and comforting each son, but even with my ever expanding stomach separating them, they were not pleased to be sharing mommy with the other. I finally got hysterical Mason calm enough I could leave him long enough to get Eli a drink. After he drank about a gallon of milk he started up again. The familiar question "How am I ever going to do three?" ran through my head. Finally Eli begged for bed and I was able to focus on Mason. He said his eyes hurt, his throat hurt, his toes hurt. Mason, when feeling poorly, is a hard case. You'd think he was dying before your eyes. It's safe to say he is a wee bit dramatic. I finally calmed him down with a throat lozenge and a glow stick. When we went to put him in bed Eli woke up again. I'm pretty sure there are a half dozen really good reasons not to let your tiny children sleep with glow sticks but I couldn't think of one as they contentedly went back to sleep in their own radioactive glow. I got ready for bed and Jase woke up enough to see if everything was okay. I could tell he was really not feeling good, which is always concerning with him because he rarely gets sick. When he does it's something major. I rudely opted out of his embrace and spent the next 10 minutes rearranging pillows trying to find a position that didn't hurt my back, hips, or babe. Not easy to do. Finally found a comfortable arrangement when Mason started crying. Up again, helped him open his water bottle, and back to bed. When I stretched out this time, Little Mister Fetus decided it was time to Zumba. He's got some amazing moves. Even after he calmed down, I just couldn't sleep. I thought about all I need to do to go to the ranch this weekend, all I need to do for my calling in primary, all I need to do to organize our summer schedule, all I need to do to prepare for a new kid, all I need to do to end world hunger. Then I do what I often do and "run through the list". I start with my oldest sibling, consider how he is doing, how our relationship is doing, what I can do to help. Then I go on to the next one and the next one. Perhaps I should blame my insomnia on my parents for having so many kids.And now I have Jason's family to "run through" and my own kids as well.

This morning I don't remember much about Jason leaving, just that he was still feeling rough and telling him to take leftover chicken for lunch. Before I knew it I looked at the clock. Hours had sped by and Mason's school bus was minutes from arrival. THIS moment inspired this post. I thought, forget it. It's the second to last day of school. He's probably getting sick too. I am so darn tired. Let's just forget it. Then the parent in me thinks, do it. Get up and do it. He can do it if you help him. He loves school and it's where you've committed to send him.

Though it's sad dressing a four year old while he's still fast asleep and demonstrating the coordination of a rag doll, it's what I do most mornings anyway. This morning he was dressed and eating in two minutes. I slid on his shoes while his sleep heavy eyes examined his breakfast. He actually got ready so fast we had a few minutes to talk and cuddle. I was afraid he'd fall back asleep. Mason was abnormally sweet and it was nice to do this part of the day without screaming or fits. The bus' arrival ended our morning prayers and he went to the door saying "I love you mom". From the porch I always wave and then sign I LOVE YOU as the bus leaves. He did the same back and then let his little hand linger on the window. THIS little act made every struggle of the past 12 hours worth it.

Whoever says parenting is a thankless job is not paying attention.

Eli has slept in over an hour but now I can hear him talking and playing. I will go get him now, he'll act like it's Christmas to see me, and my heart will burst all over again.

My summary: Parenting means you do stuff. Especially when you don't want to. And the same stuff repeated a thousand times. And it's worth it. And I'm so grateful for every part of it.